Well, Billy Hill says there is nothing like punch in the gut, and there is no punch in the gut like losing someone you love. One of Billy Hill's friends has had a hell of a Christmas this year. He had his kids this year and was able to get some awesome gifts and they just had a marvelous celebration. But, while he was fully engaged with the kids and the celebration, there was an underlying current that kept bringing him to tears.
Billy's friend was headed to the grocery story Dec 17th when he got a call from a good friend. She asked him where he was and he jovially replied "driving to the grocery story, where are you?" She then said, "I guess you have not heard then, we lost Kim last Thursday." He immediately swerved to the side of the road and asked "what did you say?" hoping he had heard her wrong. But she repeated the news to him. She kept talking about particulars of the event but Billy's head was spinning, trying to get his mind around the words that he just heard "we lost Kim". You see, Kim was her dearly beloved little sister, but that is not at all who Kim was to Billy Hill's friend.
Who are you, Kim?
It was late in the summer of 2001, Billy's friend had been working at a silk-stocking firm for two and half years and rumor had it he was up for equity partner vote that coming November. He had pretty much met everyone on all 6 floors of the firm by then and as always, he gravitated towards the staff because, he agreed most attorneys were assholes and he wanted to make sure the staff was appreciated. Well on this summer morning, Billy Hill's friend stepped into the copy room for a quick moment and as he turned to leave, the most beautiful blue-eyed blonde he had ever seen came walking into the copy room sporting the hottest red dress. Billy Hill's friend was taken aback . . . and the smile on her face made it clear that she knew it all too well. Billy's friend asked "who are you?" in more of an inquisitive sort of way as opposed to a creepy sort of way. She replied "Kim". He then inquired "are you lost?" thinking she must be a client or something. She said "not at all". "Oh" he replied, "did you just start working here". She smiled and said "No, I have worked here for many years". Billy Hill's friend said "yeah, I have to call bullshit, I have been here two and a half years and I would have seen you by now". At this point, she was done making her copy and she laughed and walked down the hallway.
Later that day, Billy's friend was working away in his office and the door popped open and in walked Ms. Kim, in her red dress, and she plopped herself down in his guest chair. "I need to talk to you about secretarial staffing" she said. Billy's friend was thinking "who in the hell is this woman" and so he asked "okay, so who are you again?". Kim replied, "I am the HR manager here". Billy's friend pushed his desk chair back and asked "why have I never seen you in the last 2.5 years". At this point she laughed and informed him that she worked here before but had left for a couple years to have a baby and raise it but, had recently been divorced so was now returning to the work force.
This is how the best friendship of his life, with Ms. Kim, began. By October, they had sufficiently flirted with each other enough that Billy Hill's friend finally decided to ask her out on a pseudo date. She met Billy Hill's friend, along with his son and three of his son's friends at Jocks and Jills for dinner, and then a trip to the local haunted house - Netherlands. By the time that all the ghost and zombies had jumped out, each one causing Kim to grab his arm, she felt comfortable just walking to the car with her arm in his. The romance began to blossom but, Billy Hill's friend had a problem. He knew he was up for equity partnership and he was just not sure he was ready to be in tied down in a relationship. Stated another way, yes, Billy Hill's friend was a womanizing slut and he really just wanted to play the field. And so, he kept pushing Kim away. But she would never go far, she stood by his side, encouraged him at work, looking out for him and really just being the bestest and truest friend one could have.
There is an asshole in every crowd, make sure it is not you.
Around that time, Billy Hill's friend organized a trip for three of his college buddies, his neighbor and himself to head to Las Vegas. When he mentioned the trip to Kim, she said "you have to be kidding, really, because I am heading there with my friend Beth at the same time". Billy Hill's friend was a bit suspicious and a little bit furious with Kim, thinking she had organized her trip just to crash his party. He told her that this was a guys trip and that she was not to hang out with them. She said of course.
Well, the first night in the casino, up walks Kim and Beth. Both being gorgeous blue-eyed blondes, and obviously tons of fun, they were immediately welcomed by the group, well all but Billy Hill's friend. He was embarrassed that a somewhat romantic interest was crashing their party and he was so concerned that his friends would look down on him that he did not bother to observe the fact that Kim and Beth were totally embraced and welcomed by the group. It got a bit ugly and Billy Hill's friend proved one thing quite clearly - he was a total asshole. The trip almost destroyed their friendship. Kim was deeply hurt and it took some serious apologizing and milk shake treating before Billy's friend found himself back in her graces. But soon enough, they resumed their early afternoon trips to Baskin Robins for mint chocolate chip milkshakes, hanging out in each other's offices and hitting live music around town.
Kim chased Billy Hill's friend for almost 3 years until he finally made things clear by meeting and getting married to another woman. Billy's friend tried to maintain the friendship with Kim in his marriage but, things got complicated and he had to sever ties. But as Billy Hill's friend's marriage got more and more complicated, and ugly, he began to remember his friend Kim, how sweet and supportive she was, how kind and giving, how loving, and he wondered to himself "what the hell were you thinking you idiot". But alas, that was water under the bridge, he had a marriage to focus on and a family to hold together.
It was October 2014 that Billy Hill's friend had a knock on his office door. He opened to door to see the sheriff standing there with his deputy and an envelope. Yes, Billy Hill's friend was being served with divorce papers. It was an ugly process but 349 days later, he found himself in August of 2015 a divorced man. That September, Billy's friend shot the text to Kim "it is done". The friendship was immediately rekindled but, because he had moved over an hour away, the friendship was mostly text based. The trips to Baskin Robins and popping in each other's office were a thing of the past. Billy's friend also learned that Kim had been fighting cancer. He was heart broken that he had not been able to be there for her. But one thing he knew for sure, well two things, (1) he had become much less of an asshole and (2) there was nothing that would ever keep him from Kim again.
Campaign Kim
And so, Billy Hill's friend then launched "Campaign Kim" in which he was certain that he would win her heart back over and they would ride off in the sunset together and spend wonderful vacations at the beech - Kim's fave. Well, it turned out that while Billy's friend was becoming less of an asshole, Kim was changing as well. She was becoming more wise, more focused, and more careful about who she let in her life. All of the sudden Billy's friend found that the person he had pushed away for so long was now holding him at arms distance. But, just like Billy Hill, his friends don't give up too easy. And so, he tried again, and again, and again and again some more. Finally, in the fall of 2017 he convinced Kim to come visit and go to a Georgia football game. She was a huge Georgia fan, her father having played for the team when he was in college. It was the most spectacular day ever. You should have seen the look on his face as he walked around campus holding Kim's hand. One of songs he used to sing to Kim on his guitar, Kim's favorite, was "Wonderful Tonight" and he felt like the song was being lived out that day. "We go to a party, and everyone turns to see, this beautiful lady, walking around with me". It was the most spectacular day and Billy's friend knew that he was finally getting a foot in the door. Their time was finally arriving and he was ready to love this lady, respect, build up, encourage and treat this lady like she deserved. As he watched Kim drive down the driveway and turn onto the road, he never dreamed that that was the last time he would lay his eyes on Kim.
You see, it may have been a foot in the door that day but, with the size of Billy's friend's head (and I am speaking poetically about his ego), there was a lot more work to get that through that door than he realized. And so, there he was again, back in the mode of begging and pushing and trying his hardest to get together with Kim for dinner, a concert, a movie or just a moment to laugh. At times he wanted to give up, it was frustrating, it hurt. He would try to go out on a date with someone else but, it was always empty and he knew exactly why. But, every time he wanted to give up, the words that Kim said on October 26, 2015 at 1:37 in the afternoon would ring back at him "you know I love you and feel like you are my soulmate". And so, he would latch on to those words and circle back around to try again. Then the cycle would start all over, and while he felt that eventually they would be together, he knew it was just going to have to be ... "later".
Billy Hill's friend hit another wall with Kim in April of this year (2018). Once again, hurting and feeling defeated, he wanted to give up, he figured his efforts would never lead anywhere. That spring and summer was a busy time, a trip to NYC, being in a play, doing background work for new Dwayne Johnson movie, and before he knew it, Billy Hill's friend found himself at the Cayman Islands that November and he had not spoken with Kim for over 5 months. Sitting at the beach, watching the sunset, knowing that that was her most favorite thing, he missed her and longed for her and so, he finally reached out again by sending Kim a text. But the text was never answered.
Then there was that December 17th call when Billy Hill's friend found out that "later" had just ran out. This was followed by seven days of crying. Hours of reading back through every email and every text and wishing that there was a saved voicemail so he could just hear her voice.
So, my friend asked ole Billy Hill to just say a few words and this is what Billy Hill has to say:
The last thing that Kim said to Billy Hill's friend, talking about walking through hard times in life, which Kim and Billy's friend had had their share, was this:
"We have to walk away with something so it is not just wasted time"
And so, here is something:
Love hard and never stop.
Love hard even if it hurts, because loving is the right thing to do.
Love hard, whether it is your spouse, your kid, your parents, a friend or your soulmate.
Love hard because, if you pull back, even for a moment, you are going to create a regret.
Love hard because you never know when later is going to run out.
And so Kim, if you can read blogs in that wonderful heavenly place that my friend knows you are at, my friend wanted me to tell you that he is ever so sorry for every moment of hesitation, for every second that he pulled away to protect his heart, for every instance that he did not pursue you fully and for every opportunity to love you hard that he missed. He loves you dearly and he wishes he never had to say goodbye.
Who is Kim? She was a friendship that began in a copy room on the 49th floor of the Bank of America Building, a beautiful woman in a red dress, but that is not who Kim is. Kim can partially be expressed in the words of John Legend:
"All of me loves all of you, all your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections . . . your my end and my beginning, even when I lose I'm winning . . . you ARE my rhythm and muse"
and
"Golden leaves look brown to me, the world has less color without you
Shapes in the sky, look plane to my eye, the world has less color without you
Notes on the keys, mean nothing to me, the world does not sing without you
Birds in the trees, fall silent to me, the world doesn't sing without you
I know, plenty of people with eyes closed, they don't see you like I do
Darling I do, see . . . . . . you. "
RIP Kim February 23, 1963 - December 13, 2018
I Ain't Ever Had a Friend Like You
Billy Hill Here - - I like it neat
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