Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Billy Hill Badassery Award - remix

What is the line between badass and bully? And is there a line betwixt the two and then, where in this continuum, if it is a continuum, would an assault and battery fall? You see, being a badass himself, Billy Hill finds that he hangs out with quite a few badasses as well. So, one of Billy Hill's badass friends told Billy a story the other day. See, he was meeting a friend of his for lunch, most likely another badass I'm sure, and Billy Hill's friend had arrived early.  Well, since Billy Hill's friend's friend had a limited time for lunch, he decided that he would stand in a vacant parking spot and save it for his friend. Fully aware of how unwelcoming such an action is, especially during the lunch hour on a busy road, Billy Hill's friend said that he just buried his face in his mobile phone to avoid the disgruntled skunk eye looks from passing cars. And then there was this ponytail dude that pulls up, rolls down his window and says "hey man, could you move I want to park there". Billy Hill's friend said that he kind of smiled at ponytail but thinking "some kinda moron you are" and then he replied "no dude, saving this spot for a friend of mine". Ponytail said "you can't do that, it’s against the rules". Obviously a millennial. Billy Hill's friend said he responded by saying "There ain't no rules buddy, it may be rude but there ain't no rules, just move on and find another spot". Billy Hill's friend said he then turned his back on ponytail and gazed further into his mobile phone to just end the encounter.

Now is when things get interesting.  Billy Hill's friend said he was a bit startled when he felt Ponytail’s car pressing up against his thigh as Ponytail was forcing his way into the parking spot, clearly at the expense of Billy Hill’s friend and Ponytail was clearly unaware of who he was dealing with. And just a word of caution, if you are going to act like a badass, you better be one cause if you are opening a can of whoopass but you ain’t got a spoon, your just a moron . . . . or a millennial. Billy Hill's friend said he looked eye to eye with Ponytail, whose window was still down and he "calmly" said "I am gonna drag your ass out of that car and beat the living s41t out of you if you do not get out of this parking spot". Ponytail said that he would call the cops if he had to, and Billy Hill's friend just laughed cause there was only one person that broke the law at this point, and it was wearing a ponytail and whining about how life is unfair. So about this time, Billy Hill's friend's friend arrived at the scene, assessed the situation, jumped out of the car, dragged Ponytail by the ponytail through his window and beat the living s41t out of him . . . . well, no that did not really happen but it could have. Instead, Billy Hill's friend's friend just pulled into another parking spot about 4 spots down, which Ponytail could have gotten had he not decided instead to stick his hand up the hole of a hornet's nest. And so, halfway in the parking spot with his car firmly pressing up against Billy Hill's friend's thigh, Ponytail thought he would roll up his window and actually get out of his car. This was a very bad decision on his part  because it takes a few minutes for boiling blood to chill down. So, out of the kindness of his heart, and an effort to not land back to prison . . . again, Billy Hill's friend just made sure that Ponytail understood that he should not and would not be getting out of that car for a little while - - - and that is about all that needs to be said at this point. We will just say this, Ponytail sat in his car for a bit to just enjoy that wonderful parking spot and bask in what was clearly a victory for him because, he still had all of his teeth and his ponytail, all of which were on the line had he stepped out of that car.

And so, what is the point of sharing this story? If you see someone standing in a parking spot to save it for someone else, be disgruntled, flip them off, say something under your breath, and then move on. Don't be a ponytailed millennial cause you may just end up going to work with soiled pants. Now Billy Hill's friend was not proud of himself whatsoever, and admitted "I wish I had not done what I did done cause'n it cain't be undone" (he does not really talk like that, Billy Hill just added it for effect). And Billy Hill and his friends do not encourage the use of force in confrontational settings unless one's life is threatened (albeit running a car into a fellow certainly is pushing that envelope) but more than that, what is important to learn here, and this is for all you whining millennials and other entitlement ponytailers, can be summed up by the wisdom of Jim Croce "don't pull the mask off the old lone ranger and you don't mess around with big Jimmy Walker, especially on 42nd Street"

Billy Hill here, I like it neat (and be safe out there it is a crazy ass world)