Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Of Mice And Men

Subtitle: Of MiceHamster And MenBilly

So, Billy has some offspring.  That may come as a surprise if you know him but he does cause you don't have to have a license to do so.  So, one of his offspring convinced Billy that it was ready to have a pet.  But Billy does not do pets very well.  Billy does not like pets because, well they don't wear underwear .  And just like I ain't gonna let you in my house naked, I sure as hell ain't gonna let some animal in my house naked.  But, after many tears and pleadings and the lack of imagination to come up with more excuses, we ended up with a hamster, named Sonny or Sunny, Billy is not sure which, he has not bothered to ask.

It was last Saturday after coming home from what was just a tolerable visit to the park with the offsprings, and rushing to head out the door in the next 45 minutes for the next thing on the todo list, that screaming ruptured in Billy Hill's dwelling.  Incomprehensible as it was, Billy could tell it was coming from offspring number 2's bedroom and had something to do with the hamster.  Upon arrival at said bedroom, Billy learned that the cage door to S_nny's dwelling was open and it was now vacant.  Billy called all hands on deck for the search party, but no one responded.  Offspring 2 just kept shivering in a panic and the others were just not interested in playing.  So, Billy looked for a few minutes, gave up and said, well, we have to go.  This was met with great objection but Billy is bigger and badassier than said offspring so they loaded up in the truck and headed out.  But before doing so, offspring 2 came up with a pretty good idea, at least Billy thought so.  Offspring 2 put S_nny's now vacant dwelling on the floor, opened the door and put food inside.  Then offspring 2 put flour all around the cage - self-rising flour (not sure if that is important but wanted to be clear on the recipe).  The theory, as presented to Billy Hill from offspring 2 was that S_nny would come and get the food, maybe stay in the cage, but if not, it would walk through the flour and then we could follow the footprints.  Billy swallowed his Blanton's, nodded with approval, and climbed in the truck.

Turns out the  Billy delegation picked up someone else's offspring that evening and so offspring 2 had another house guest for a sleepover.  When we arrived home, it was audibly declared that the scheme had worked, S_nny came and ate food and there were foot prints leading under the bed.  Not bothering to look, Billy just accepted this as true and advised offspring 2 to pull everything out from under the bed and find the dang rodent.  The search was fruitless.  So, Billy is thinking, that is not really what I would call "worked", but it was a good attempt.

It was 1 in the morning that Billy was awakened from a wonderful sleep by two little ones at his door screaming something about S_nny being in the garbage can in offspring 2's bedroom.  Evidently, when the hamster climbed out of the cage onto the dresser, it then fell into the garbage can - which Billy thought waxed poetic.  The offspring 2 and guest had heard S_nny crawling around in the garbage can but the hamster could not get out because, it is a tall garbage can - at least for a hamster. But at 1 AM, all Billy wanted to do was sleep and he said, maybe loudly but not sure "well don't bother me, just grab the thing and put it in the dang cage".  So they left and Billy rolled over to return back to sleep in a peaceful household that no longer had a hamster at large.  Within 20 minutes, the house was silent, and all were were asleep, S_nny locked away, but Billy was laying on his back with his eyes wide open thinking . . . .

If S_nny fell into the garbage can and could not get out, then what the hell walked through the self-rising flour . . . . . . .

Billy Hill here, I like it neat