Tuesday, February 23, 2016

That Really Gets My Goat

Ever play that trick “do you want a Hertz Doughnut”? 
Just like sneaking up and scaring the crap out of someone, that game is really only funny for the one playing the trick.  But sometimes it happens, someone does something foolishly that hurts someone else.  Sometimes people are just down right mean and do things to intentionally hurt someone one.  Yeah, Billy even has a friend that is a bit P.O.’d right now cause someone keyed his truck down one side, across the back and up the other.   As he told the story to Billy, Billy had to laugh a bit inside (but not on the outside cause his friend was not in a good place) because keying someone’s care is the quintessential passive aggressive move that really requires the recipient of the meanness to dig down deep and forgive a total faceless and nameless (and balless honestly) assailant.   

But, what is this whole “I have to forgive” gig all about?  How do you really forgive someone?  Is it even possible.  Do you have to do what God did, offer up your son?  Or can you just grab a goat and cut him open?  How do you forgive someone that sins against you, how can it be atoned?  When someone hurts you, it is not like the event comes and goes and only hurts you once.  No, it lodges in your mind, soul and heart and comes up again and again and again.  And then, if you are like Billy, every time you tell a story it gets infused with much more emotion and elaboration making the hurt even bigger than it even originally was.  The hurt can never be reconciled.  We hold on to it, justifying the placement of pain or hurt on the other person (or some random person we want to punish for our hurt) we withdraw from the person, etc.  As it festers and as we relive it, the interest on the debt compounds greatly.    So you are trying to forgive but the wrong is actually growing in your mind. 

Someone told Billy one time, that forgiving someone does not mean you forget, it just means that you are not holding the other person accountable for the grievance either in this life or the life to come.  So, I am supposed to forgive rather than to abide in the hurt and revenge.  And each time I think “you sorry bastard I am going to get you for this” I have to stop and say, “oh heck, that’s right, that debt exists no more, even though it still hurts like hell.”  But wait, IF I forgive someone for a hurt they bestowed upon me, then basically they get away with it!  I can’t let THAT happen.  I mean, I know that God says that I am forgiven, and so, technically I guess I “got away with it” also, or did I.  Do I truly believe, accept and embrace God’s promise of forgiveness?  Or do I view Him as still punishing me for my sin, keeping a record, making me pay the debt? 

This is an odd path for me to go down.  It sort of reminds me of repelling.  It is very very tough to make that first lean over a cliff backwards.  It is difficult because I think that if I forgive you, it is not going to be over.  I am going to remember this again, and the hurt will come back just like it is today.  And so, not only do I have to forgive you today, I have to forgive you tomorrow also.  Then the next day it comes up, and even the next next.  Maybe the memory will diminish with time, maybe the hurt will heal eventually.  But, maybe not.   Do memories last an eternity? Well, I guess tomorrow I will look and see. 

Billy Hill here, I like it neat.